Frack me, it's the holidays (again)

As I open my son's backpack to see what treasures he's come home with this time (What would it be? Wet socks?  Forgotten food?  Overdue library books?) I discover, via a cheerful note, it's the annual class luncheon!  Yes, parents!  Share your family Christmas Eve food traditions!  Bring enough for you and 6 people!  No pressure! 

I added the last part because, really, I am feeling the pressure.  Why, you may wonder?  Allow me to introduce myself, and my husband for that matter - Hi, we are the Borings.  Perhaps you have heard of us?  No? That's because there is nothing to hear.....seriously.  If we were a colour, it would be beige - not oatmeal, as it has too much "texture".   We don't follow any religion,  custom or tradition - and I have never felt the need to until this damn luncheon. 

I feel like I should write my son a letter, to apologize for short-changing him somehow because we don't light anything in recognition of, or abstain from something to remember, or go to a gathering to sing and praise.  We do not bake the bread of our ancestors; or serve the meal that our forefathers supped on many a cold night during the potato famine, for all they had was cow dung and bay leaves to make a broth from (or something like that).  Am I robbing my son of rich delicious traditions that could make a warm family fabric to cover him in? 

As I pour over cookbooks, trying to conjure up some inspirational dish to pass off as a diverse family recipe passed down by numerous generations, I have to wonder - why I am sweating this.  Is it because I am worried that my dish, my meager offering, will be judged by my son's classmates' parents?  Yes, that is absolutely it. Seriously. 

The sad thing is, I did grow up with two festive holiday traditions that I cannot bring to a grade one luncheon : my grandmother's flaming  plum pudding (rum + matches=open flames) and my parents' beer-batter fondue (sharp spear-like forks dipping raw meat into hot/boiling oil) - on second thought, my son would absolutely love it (food for thought).

I will post my recipe of choice in the next few days as I am still trying to find something believable (and appropriate) to bring.  Wish me luck.

The problem(s) with gluten-free -OR- The cinnamon bun that broke my heart

Let me begin by telling you - I am a lover of cinnamon buns (cb)-a true connoisseur.  BC (before Celiac), it was my #1 pick when at a bakery (apple fritters and/or carrot cake were close runner ups).  When it came to cbs, I had strict standards -I wouldn't just eat any cb. I liked the soft doughy cbs that were short and wide, with the right balance of cinnamon and raisins, loosely rolled and topped with a thick smear of cream cheese icing.  The very best I had was at a hole-in-the-wall bakery in a folksy neighbourhood in Victoria that was big on patchouli and hemp (hmmmm, what was in that cb?)  The specific qualities are hazy - all I remember is washing it down with a glass of tart limeade and thinking, now THIS is a cb!  I have never found one of equal comparison -and after the diagnoses, I feared I never would.  And so I wandered, searching the flour-less trails, like a character in Kung Fu (David Carradine, not the fat Jack Black Panda) for the elusive gf cb....


And then, out of no where, there it was.  Covered in a rich dollop of dense cream cheese icing, disguised as a muffin/cupcake (a hybrid?), the cb winked at me from the display case as if to say ....okay, I was deliriously happy.  I promptly ordered one with a coffee, grabbed a seat and was ready to succumb to my cravings; however, within the first bite, I was bitch-slapped awake.  The cb was dense, dry and hard, like a baby boulder....and the bakery had only been open for an hour or so, so it wasn't the case of getting yesterday's product.  The bun was more like a hearty bread then a fluffy cloud-and that is one of the biggest negatives of gf baked goods. GF baking can be crumbly, dry, tasteless, heavy, flat -all the qualities that can put a girl off her baked goods.  Yes, it can be trial-and-error at times....much like Carmen Diaz's film choices (have you seen Bad Teachers?).


As I gnawed my way along the side of the dense cb, I realized that, despite all best intentions, some gf foods just don't compare. You win some, you loose some. In the end, I ate about half of the cb.....but I ate all the icing-that was always the best part anyways.

Yummy Gluten-Free Lemon Bars

*adapted from Bake Sale Lemon Bars

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup flour (regular or gluten-free)
• 1/3 cup icing sugar
• 1/4 cup + 2T butter (soften)

• 3 eggs
• 3/4 cup white sugar
• 3 T flour
• 1/2 cup lemon juice
• 2 T icing sugar

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350.  Grease an 8 x 8 inch square baking dish.
2. Sift flour and icing sugar. Blend in butter until it is a fine meal.  Pat mixture into baking dish.  Bake for 15 mins or until starting to turn golden brown.
3. Whisk eggs, flour, lemon juice and sugar.  Pour over hot crust.  Cook for 20-25 minutes, until top is just starting to turn brown.  Remove and let cool completely.
4. Sift 2 T icing sugar on top to decorate.

How does your palate grow? Or how I learned to love lemon bars

I grew up in a fairly adventurous home when it came to food.  My parents loved to eat slices of avocado dipped in Kraft Russian dressing, snack on Halva, or toss okra into a stew.  Okay, this would seem adventurous to a kid in the 70s whose friends were dining on Hamburger Helper and Ragu.  My parents always encouraged my sister and I to try new things, if it be oysters, chanterelle mushrooms or jicama; however, you can lead a horse to water - but if the water isn't processed and has a snappy label on it....good luck.  I found avocados slimy, couldn't get past the sight and smell of oysters to even attempt a taste, and Halva just seemed bland and chalky. Why anyone would eat such things were beyond me; and I couldn't understand why, despite my constant needling and moaning, my mom wouldn't buy Hamburger Helper (or Shake 'n' Bake for that matter).  Looking back, I realized I had a deprived childhood.  Damn my parents for feeding me fresh food without a prepackage and/or expiry date!

My limited palate also caused me to be prejudice against foods without rhyme or reason.  For example, lemon bars.  Yes, those small tangy-yet-sweet little squares that have been served along side of tea for decades-I had never had one in my life until a few months ago.  Why?  Partially, I think, because they tend to look boring - I mean, if you have a choice between a bland conservative just-like-gramma-makes lemon bar or a robust sexy gooey brownie.....hmmmmmmm, tough choice, I know.  Also, I grew up with a lot of lemon meringue pie being served - homemade and store bought-and both equally loathed.  Any family dinner seemed to result in the offering of lemon meringue pie for dessert (unless it was Thanksgiving, which would then mean pumpkin pie-equally hated, or Christmas, which meant plum pudding, also disliked).  Lemon meringue pie = lemon bars to me. Thanks but I think I'll pass.

And then a few months ago, I was looking around my favourite recipe site (allrecipe.com), and I came across "Bake Sale Lemon Bars" and thought, uh.....I wonder if those would be good gluten-free?  So I whipped up a batch (with a few adjustments) and I was hooked.  The lemon bars are just the right combination of sweet and tart; and the layers were perfect with a flaky base and creamy center. A convert was created!  I added  lemon bars to my expanding list of  foods I once shied away from but now embraced-avocados, oysters, lentils, etc etc etc.

Now that said, I still dislike pumpkin pie, plum pudding, rice pudding, and date bars.....oh, and rhubarb in general- but that's a whole other blog.......  The irony?  My favourite meal as a child was liver and onions....I kid you not.

I think there is crack in these cookies

My gal pal Ang just dropped off a precious gift-3 loaves of gluten-free bread and half a dozen cookies from this little European bakery up in Campbell River, called Steiner Bakery and Coffee Shop.  Of all the gluten-free bread I and my son (aka my guinea pig) have tried, Steiner's makes the best (in my opinion).  The bread is rice flour-based and seems lighter (dare I say, fluffier?-a word you normally don't associate with gluten-free).  It is the closest I've found to tasting like regular bread AND my son seems to enjoy it...well, he eats it for the most part (have I mentioned he is a bit of a picky eater?).

But the cookies....OMG.  I am not a huge cookie eater-given the choice, I would much rather waste the calories on a cupcake or something as equally gooey/sweet; however, these cookies are pure bliss.  My father-in-law brought me half a dozen when he made a bread run for me; and I have been hooked every since.  I think they are made with almond flour.....with cinnamon and maybe a bit of applesauce?  The cookies are incredibly chewy and have a yummy almond glaze....and they are like crack -highly addictive. 

I love that of all the gf products, it is a small family bakery that makes a superior product as it gives me hope that other bakeries will dip their toe into the gf arena and offer more choices.  No longer do we have to be satisfied with eating hard dry cardboard or Styrofoam!  Until I find something of equal taste and quality that is made locally, I will continue to have my family and friends make bread/cookie runs to feed my addiction. The hardest part?  Making the cookies last....near impossible.

Vegan Red Lentil Soup

*found and adapted from allrecipes

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger root
• 1 clove garlic, chopped
• 2 med carrots-peeled and diced
• 3 celery stalks-chopped
• 1 small yam-peeled and diced
• 1 cup dry red lentils
• 2 cups butternut squash - peeled, seeded, and cubed
• 1/3 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro
• 4 cups chicken broth 
• 1 (14 ounce) can lite coconut milk
• 6 tablespoons tomato paste
• 1 teaspoon curry powder
• 1 pinch cayenne pepper
• 1 pinch ground nutmeg
• 1 pinch cumin
• 3 cups spinach
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Heat the oil in a large pot over medium heat, and cook the onion, ginger, garlic, carrots, yam and celery until onion is tender.
2. Mix the lentils, squash, and cilantro into the pot. Stir in the broth, coconut milk, and tomato paste. Season with curry powder, cayenne pepper, nutmeg, cumin,salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, and simmer 30 minutes, or until lentils and squash are tender. Add spinach and cook for another 5 minutes and serve.                                                   

I am a cruel bitch (or How I made my husband eat curry)

When Dave was an impressionable young man of 14, his class was in charge of making a grad dinner; and for some bizarre reason, it ended up being chicken curry (I say bizarre as it was in the mid-80s in a very small town-what, no spaghetti?).  Dave's job was to cut up vegetables and stir a huge heaping pot of the heavily pungent dish-and it was a smell he could not escape.  No amount of scrubbing, bleaching or soaking could diminish the odor that was now permanently burnt into his nasal cavity; and it is why Dave has vowed never EVER to eat Indian curry-until I cruelly tricked him, that is.

I know I should have given Dave the heads up what my intentions were -to make a spicy lentil soup that happened to have curry as a seasoning ( wasn't attempting some radical intervention, honest); however, when I was brutally rebuffed for wanting to make a tuna casserole (what can I say? I have a weird fetish for '60s-inspired food), Dave told me that if I wanted to try a new recipe, to just do it -don't give him a chance to talk me out it....so I simply followed his instructions like a dutiful wife (wink wink).

Now, once he got over the initial shock and smell, Dave kept an open mind and ate the soup (that alone is impressive as he easily could have pouted and made bacon and eggs for himself).  Instead, Dave sat down with a big bowl of Vegan Red Lentil Soup and dug in..... and quite enjoyed it.  His only criticism was that the soup needed more heat; however, Dave has given me the green light to make it again. Let the healing process begin!  Amen and pass the Tabasco.....