Frack me, it's the holidays (again)

As I open my son's backpack to see what treasures he's come home with this time (What would it be? Wet socks?  Forgotten food?  Overdue library books?) I discover, via a cheerful note, it's the annual class luncheon!  Yes, parents!  Share your family Christmas Eve food traditions!  Bring enough for you and 6 people!  No pressure! 

I added the last part because, really, I am feeling the pressure.  Why, you may wonder?  Allow me to introduce myself, and my husband for that matter - Hi, we are the Borings.  Perhaps you have heard of us?  No? That's because there is nothing to hear.....seriously.  If we were a colour, it would be beige - not oatmeal, as it has too much "texture".   We don't follow any religion,  custom or tradition - and I have never felt the need to until this damn luncheon. 

I feel like I should write my son a letter, to apologize for short-changing him somehow because we don't light anything in recognition of, or abstain from something to remember, or go to a gathering to sing and praise.  We do not bake the bread of our ancestors; or serve the meal that our forefathers supped on many a cold night during the potato famine, for all they had was cow dung and bay leaves to make a broth from (or something like that).  Am I robbing my son of rich delicious traditions that could make a warm family fabric to cover him in? 

As I pour over cookbooks, trying to conjure up some inspirational dish to pass off as a diverse family recipe passed down by numerous generations, I have to wonder - why I am sweating this.  Is it because I am worried that my dish, my meager offering, will be judged by my son's classmates' parents?  Yes, that is absolutely it. Seriously. 

The sad thing is, I did grow up with two festive holiday traditions that I cannot bring to a grade one luncheon : my grandmother's flaming  plum pudding (rum + matches=open flames) and my parents' beer-batter fondue (sharp spear-like forks dipping raw meat into hot/boiling oil) - on second thought, my son would absolutely love it (food for thought).

I will post my recipe of choice in the next few days as I am still trying to find something believable (and appropriate) to bring.  Wish me luck.

The problem(s) with gluten-free -OR- The cinnamon bun that broke my heart

Let me begin by telling you - I am a lover of cinnamon buns (cb)-a true connoisseur.  BC (before Celiac), it was my #1 pick when at a bakery (apple fritters and/or carrot cake were close runner ups).  When it came to cbs, I had strict standards -I wouldn't just eat any cb. I liked the soft doughy cbs that were short and wide, with the right balance of cinnamon and raisins, loosely rolled and topped with a thick smear of cream cheese icing.  The very best I had was at a hole-in-the-wall bakery in a folksy neighbourhood in Victoria that was big on patchouli and hemp (hmmmm, what was in that cb?)  The specific qualities are hazy - all I remember is washing it down with a glass of tart limeade and thinking, now THIS is a cb!  I have never found one of equal comparison -and after the diagnoses, I feared I never would.  And so I wandered, searching the flour-less trails, like a character in Kung Fu (David Carradine, not the fat Jack Black Panda) for the elusive gf cb....


And then, out of no where, there it was.  Covered in a rich dollop of dense cream cheese icing, disguised as a muffin/cupcake (a hybrid?), the cb winked at me from the display case as if to say ....okay, I was deliriously happy.  I promptly ordered one with a coffee, grabbed a seat and was ready to succumb to my cravings; however, within the first bite, I was bitch-slapped awake.  The cb was dense, dry and hard, like a baby boulder....and the bakery had only been open for an hour or so, so it wasn't the case of getting yesterday's product.  The bun was more like a hearty bread then a fluffy cloud-and that is one of the biggest negatives of gf baked goods. GF baking can be crumbly, dry, tasteless, heavy, flat -all the qualities that can put a girl off her baked goods.  Yes, it can be trial-and-error at times....much like Carmen Diaz's film choices (have you seen Bad Teachers?).


As I gnawed my way along the side of the dense cb, I realized that, despite all best intentions, some gf foods just don't compare. You win some, you loose some. In the end, I ate about half of the cb.....but I ate all the icing-that was always the best part anyways.

Yummy Gluten-Free Lemon Bars

*adapted from Bake Sale Lemon Bars

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup flour (regular or gluten-free)
• 1/3 cup icing sugar
• 1/4 cup + 2T butter (soften)

• 3 eggs
• 3/4 cup white sugar
• 3 T flour
• 1/2 cup lemon juice
• 2 T icing sugar

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350.  Grease an 8 x 8 inch square baking dish.
2. Sift flour and icing sugar. Blend in butter until it is a fine meal.  Pat mixture into baking dish.  Bake for 15 mins or until starting to turn golden brown.
3. Whisk eggs, flour, lemon juice and sugar.  Pour over hot crust.  Cook for 20-25 minutes, until top is just starting to turn brown.  Remove and let cool completely.
4. Sift 2 T icing sugar on top to decorate.

How does your palate grow? Or how I learned to love lemon bars

I grew up in a fairly adventurous home when it came to food.  My parents loved to eat slices of avocado dipped in Kraft Russian dressing, snack on Halva, or toss okra into a stew.  Okay, this would seem adventurous to a kid in the 70s whose friends were dining on Hamburger Helper and Ragu.  My parents always encouraged my sister and I to try new things, if it be oysters, chanterelle mushrooms or jicama; however, you can lead a horse to water - but if the water isn't processed and has a snappy label on it....good luck.  I found avocados slimy, couldn't get past the sight and smell of oysters to even attempt a taste, and Halva just seemed bland and chalky. Why anyone would eat such things were beyond me; and I couldn't understand why, despite my constant needling and moaning, my mom wouldn't buy Hamburger Helper (or Shake 'n' Bake for that matter).  Looking back, I realized I had a deprived childhood.  Damn my parents for feeding me fresh food without a prepackage and/or expiry date!

My limited palate also caused me to be prejudice against foods without rhyme or reason.  For example, lemon bars.  Yes, those small tangy-yet-sweet little squares that have been served along side of tea for decades-I had never had one in my life until a few months ago.  Why?  Partially, I think, because they tend to look boring - I mean, if you have a choice between a bland conservative just-like-gramma-makes lemon bar or a robust sexy gooey brownie.....hmmmmmmm, tough choice, I know.  Also, I grew up with a lot of lemon meringue pie being served - homemade and store bought-and both equally loathed.  Any family dinner seemed to result in the offering of lemon meringue pie for dessert (unless it was Thanksgiving, which would then mean pumpkin pie-equally hated, or Christmas, which meant plum pudding, also disliked).  Lemon meringue pie = lemon bars to me. Thanks but I think I'll pass.

And then a few months ago, I was looking around my favourite recipe site (allrecipe.com), and I came across "Bake Sale Lemon Bars" and thought, uh.....I wonder if those would be good gluten-free?  So I whipped up a batch (with a few adjustments) and I was hooked.  The lemon bars are just the right combination of sweet and tart; and the layers were perfect with a flaky base and creamy center. A convert was created!  I added  lemon bars to my expanding list of  foods I once shied away from but now embraced-avocados, oysters, lentils, etc etc etc.

Now that said, I still dislike pumpkin pie, plum pudding, rice pudding, and date bars.....oh, and rhubarb in general- but that's a whole other blog.......  The irony?  My favourite meal as a child was liver and onions....I kid you not.

I think there is crack in these cookies

My gal pal Ang just dropped off a precious gift-3 loaves of gluten-free bread and half a dozen cookies from this little European bakery up in Campbell River, called Steiner Bakery and Coffee Shop.  Of all the gluten-free bread I and my son (aka my guinea pig) have tried, Steiner's makes the best (in my opinion).  The bread is rice flour-based and seems lighter (dare I say, fluffier?-a word you normally don't associate with gluten-free).  It is the closest I've found to tasting like regular bread AND my son seems to enjoy it...well, he eats it for the most part (have I mentioned he is a bit of a picky eater?).

But the cookies....OMG.  I am not a huge cookie eater-given the choice, I would much rather waste the calories on a cupcake or something as equally gooey/sweet; however, these cookies are pure bliss.  My father-in-law brought me half a dozen when he made a bread run for me; and I have been hooked every since.  I think they are made with almond flour.....with cinnamon and maybe a bit of applesauce?  The cookies are incredibly chewy and have a yummy almond glaze....and they are like crack -highly addictive. 

I love that of all the gf products, it is a small family bakery that makes a superior product as it gives me hope that other bakeries will dip their toe into the gf arena and offer more choices.  No longer do we have to be satisfied with eating hard dry cardboard or Styrofoam!  Until I find something of equal taste and quality that is made locally, I will continue to have my family and friends make bread/cookie runs to feed my addiction. The hardest part?  Making the cookies last....near impossible.

Vegan Red Lentil Soup

*found and adapted from allrecipes

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger root
• 1 clove garlic, chopped
• 2 med carrots-peeled and diced
• 3 celery stalks-chopped
• 1 small yam-peeled and diced
• 1 cup dry red lentils
• 2 cups butternut squash - peeled, seeded, and cubed
• 1/3 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro
• 4 cups chicken broth 
• 1 (14 ounce) can lite coconut milk
• 6 tablespoons tomato paste
• 1 teaspoon curry powder
• 1 pinch cayenne pepper
• 1 pinch ground nutmeg
• 1 pinch cumin
• 3 cups spinach
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Heat the oil in a large pot over medium heat, and cook the onion, ginger, garlic, carrots, yam and celery until onion is tender.
2. Mix the lentils, squash, and cilantro into the pot. Stir in the broth, coconut milk, and tomato paste. Season with curry powder, cayenne pepper, nutmeg, cumin,salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, and simmer 30 minutes, or until lentils and squash are tender. Add spinach and cook for another 5 minutes and serve.                                                   

I am a cruel bitch (or How I made my husband eat curry)

When Dave was an impressionable young man of 14, his class was in charge of making a grad dinner; and for some bizarre reason, it ended up being chicken curry (I say bizarre as it was in the mid-80s in a very small town-what, no spaghetti?).  Dave's job was to cut up vegetables and stir a huge heaping pot of the heavily pungent dish-and it was a smell he could not escape.  No amount of scrubbing, bleaching or soaking could diminish the odor that was now permanently burnt into his nasal cavity; and it is why Dave has vowed never EVER to eat Indian curry-until I cruelly tricked him, that is.

I know I should have given Dave the heads up what my intentions were -to make a spicy lentil soup that happened to have curry as a seasoning ( wasn't attempting some radical intervention, honest); however, when I was brutally rebuffed for wanting to make a tuna casserole (what can I say? I have a weird fetish for '60s-inspired food), Dave told me that if I wanted to try a new recipe, to just do it -don't give him a chance to talk me out it....so I simply followed his instructions like a dutiful wife (wink wink).

Now, once he got over the initial shock and smell, Dave kept an open mind and ate the soup (that alone is impressive as he easily could have pouted and made bacon and eggs for himself).  Instead, Dave sat down with a big bowl of Vegan Red Lentil Soup and dug in..... and quite enjoyed it.  His only criticism was that the soup needed more heat; however, Dave has given me the green light to make it again. Let the healing process begin!  Amen and pass the Tabasco.....

Crap-I got glutened!

I have come to think that Celiac is like any condition in that some suffer more than others as some are more sensitive than others; and I think that I have a  fairly "light" sensitivity (I am not a doctor, this is just my own experience/opinion).  For example, I defiantly do not feel well if I eat gluten directly (symptoms included bloating, gas, painful bowel movements, anxiety, fogginess etc etc etc) but I am not buckling in pain, violently ill as some are. 

I am not the most careful Celiac-I admit it.  I do read labels (d'uh!) but if there is a warning that the food item is made in a factory that handles wheat-I will still eat it (some will not).  I always ask at restaurants, delis, wherever I am purchasing prepared food-is this gluten-free?  If the person cannot confirm or leaves a lengthy pause before answering "I think so" - forget it. One place we love to shop at is the Red Barn Market as they have a great selection of gluten-free food as well as an amazing selection of fresh fruits and vegetable-and their deli counter.....OMG!  Pepperoni, bacon, ham - oh my!  We ask and are told if items are gluten-free; and if the counter person is not sure, he or she will go to the back and ask someone who knows.

So, the other day I got into the car after Dave had been out at Red Barn; and I notice a stick of pepperoni....so I pick it up and take a bite as Dave tells me he isn't sure what the meat is (we have had both pork and turkey) but its teriyaki and isn't it good?  I am mid-chew/swallow when it dawns on me.....teriyaki tends not to be gluten-free.  Crap.  And then it dawns on Dave.  I slowly put the offending food down and wonder, what have I done?  And how long will it take me to feel the results, if any?  Won't this be a "fun" experiment.....like a ticking time bomb?

It took approximately 8 hours and it wasn't terribly pretty.  I will save you the gory details; however, needless to say, I will be a little more cautious before popping random meat products in my mouth. (I know, that's what she said.....)  Ah, just another reminder of why I need to be on my gluten-free game!  The diet really is a life-long commitment that I can't willy nilly cheat on when the mood strikes, or when I am taunted by fat slabs of chocolate cake or brimming bowls of pasta.......damn it!

Spiced Butternut Squash Muffins

*Found on the allrecipes site and adapted

Ingredients

• 1/2 pound peeled, seeded and cubed butternut squash
• 1 1/2 cups gluten-free flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
• 3/4 cup milk
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 tablespoon butter, melted
• 1/2 cup raisins
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 12 cup muffin pan.
2. In a medium saucepan with enough water to cover, boil squash 20 minutes, or until tender. Remove from heat, drain, and puree in a food processor.
3. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, white sugar, salt and pumpkin pie spice.
4. In a medium bowl, thoroughly mix together milk, egg and butter. Stir in squash. Fold the squash mixture into the flour mixture just until moistened.  Add raisins and chocolate chips.
5. Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin pan, filling cups about 2/3 full. Bake 20 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean. Remove from muffin pan and cool on a wire rack. 

 **176 calories per muffin

Gluten-free muffins - or how to make your own tiny boulders

I am not a fan of gluten-free recipes where the first five ingredients are what is needed to replace "regular" flour.  When I was a gf newbie, I was eager to try and make things from scratch to the point of purchasing the various abstract flours to make "real" flour: potato, tapioca, rice (brown and/or white), xanthan gum , etc etc etc.  $60.00 (or so) later, I attempted to make pancakes ..... three times.  Never again.  I now am a firm believer/supporter of  ready-made gluten-free flour mixes that most health food stores sell (I like to use a mix from  Planet Organic).

Negatives I have noticed about gf baking: bake goods tend not to rise as well as their gluten counterpart, they tend to be heavier in weight and do not stay fresh for long (am I selling gf to you yet?).  For example, I made Butternut Squash Spiced Muffins the other day (recipe to follow), and they were absolutely delicious fresh out of the oven....few hours later-boulders.  Hard dense hit-your-enemy-in-the-temple boulders.  Helpful hint-briefly microwave the offending bake good as it should perk up.  You also might want to store the goods in a zip-lock bag or container in the fridge or freezer.  (Again, am I selling it yet?)

Turkey Shepherd's Pie with Sweet Potato Butternut Squash Topping

*Adapted recipe from "Turkey Shepherd Pie" found on allrecipe.com

Ingredients

• 1 large (452 g) sweet potato, peeled
• 1/2 (232 g) butternut squash, peeled
• 1 tb butter
• 1/4 cup 2 % milk
• 1 dash nutmeg
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1/2 cup chicken broth
• 1 pound ground turkey
• 1 large carrot, shredded
• 1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
• 1/2 cup zucchini
• 2 cup spinach (optional)
• 3/4 cup frozen peas
• 3/4 cup frozen corn
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
• 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 tb gf flour
• salt to taste
• ground black pepper to taste
• 2 oz sharp cheddar cheese (optional)

Directions

1. Boil sweet potatoes and butternut squash until tender.Mash with butter and milk.  Season with nutmeg, salt and pepper.  Set aside.
2. Saute onion in chicken broth until soft. Stir in ground turkey, carrot, mushrooms, parsley, thyme, garlic, peas and corn. Salt and pepper to taste. Cook and stir until meat is broken up and cooked through. Drain. Stir in flour and spinach.
3. Transfer meat mixture to a deep dish pie pan or 9x13 casserole. Spread sweet potato-butternut squash mixture over meat with a rubber spatula, and swirl with a fork. Grate cheese on top
4. Bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 30 minutes, or until top is lightly browned. 

 **Serves 6-280 calories per serving
***You may want to add more chicken broth to keep the meat mixture moist.  I used the broth instead of   cooking oil to cut down on calories.

Butternut Squash -who knew?

I have re-discovered an old friend-the butternut squash.  Growing up with pseudo-hippie parents in the 70s-80s, my sister and I were exposed to a variety of veggies that may not have crossed the average palate (especially in the meat-and-potato I-can-capture-and-kill-my-own-food town we lived in). Swiss chard, beet greens, and kale steamed up in heaps; and peas, beans and sorrel were eaten raw by the fistfuls.  And then there was the squashes.  Acorn, spaghetti, zucchini, butternut-I know I am missing a few more .  Often, my mom would simply slice the squash, plop a knob of butter with some brown sugar and bake -easy peasy.  Or it would be cut up into a winter veg soup or stew.  Nothing flashy or terribly memorable-hence why I thought I had never eaten butternut squash before until my sister reminded me.

I bought the squash with the intention of steaming and mashing it up for my baby; however, after a sneaked nibble, I was hooked.  Slight sweet taste, very smooth-what could I do with this?  I searched on allrecipes.com and found a Turkey Shepherd's Pie recipe that had a russet potato top-what if I adapted this by using 2/3 sweet potato and 1/3 squash?  Would it work?  Or be mushy baby food -perfect for my daughter?  The challenge was on!

So why Shepherd's Pie?  I wanted to make a Shepherd's Pie as I am a lover of comfort food AND of a dish that "mushes" everything together-especially potatoes, peas, corn.  I also wanted to make a healthier version that would taste amazing but not be a calorie monster-and mission accomplished.   The butternut squash helped bring the calories down AND added a slight sweet creamy taste to the potato layer.  Because the squash is moist, it allowed me to cut down on the butter portion without affecting the taste or consistency. My husband loved loved loved it-and that my gold seal of approval!  I will defiantly make the TSP again.

Next challenge-Butternut Squash Spiced Muffins-stay tuned!

To review or not to review a crappy meal?

When I started this blog, I thought I would be brutal honest about all my gf experiences with recipes, products and eating out.  I was going to tell it like it is, take no prisoners, and name names!  And then I had a crappy meal at a gf establishment and didn't know what to do.   I really really wanted to like the place-honest; but alas, it was not meant to be.  This was even my second visit as my first was only two days after the soft opening; and you cannot fairly critique when the staff is still learning the menu (even if it only consists of 2 salads, a quiche, and  bagels with your choice of pb & jam or tuna) and the equipment (the debit machine was particularly overwhelming for the barista-"damn it!  I create coffee, not cash!").  So 6 weeks later,  my sister and I wander in for an early Mother's Day lunch.  The menu looks more promising-hmmmmmmmmm, should I have the chicken pot pie?  Grilled Tuscan chicken wrap?  Pizza?  I finally narrow it down to the grilled wrap- I haven't had a nice fresh wrap in months.  I envisioned a simple corn or rice tortilla with a grilled chicken kebab or breast with loads of fresh or grilled veggies, with some type of sauce that would embody the "Tuscan" theme.  

Sadly, this is not what I got.  I looked down to see something that looked a lot like a samosa -oily flacky triangle pastry (was actually the wrap) with a yellowish (think curry) sauce oozing out.  The only veggie I spotted were bloated white beans sitting in the sauce.  Wow,that is so not what I pictured.  Or wanted.  It tasted okay.  Not great, fantastic, so-glad-I ordered-it delicious -just okay.  If I am looking for the silver lining/half full compliment-the entree only costs $7.95 and came with a small plastic-bag tasting spinach salad.  I think what annoyed me the most is that I could have easily made something similar, if not better, at home (and remember, I am a self-confessed shit-tacular cook).  I will say that the cherry vanilla cheesecake was fantastic; however, one can not live on cake alone (despite what the gluten queen Antoinette declared). 

Will I go back?  Maybe.  I'll give it a few months.  Or six months.  Or just go for coffee and cheesecake.  I don't know.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice.....seriously, shame on you!  The truth is I can't name names because I am not the brutal take-no-prisoner kinda gal.  I respect that this is someone's business AND that this was my experience - who knows, maybe I have incredibly high unrealistic standards when it comes to food.   I really don't think that that is the case -at the end of the day, I just want to have my gluten-free cake and eat it too.  Is that too much to ask?

Mexican Lasagna

As mentioned in post "All men are not created equal...."


Ingredients

• 1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
• 2 garlic cloves minced
• 1 cup white mushrooms sliced
• 1 red pepper diced
• 1 bunch green onions, chopped
• 2 tsp chili powder
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp paprika
• 1 jalapeno pepper diced
• 1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes, undrained
•  2 cups  ricotta cheese
• 2 eggs
• 1 tsp chili powder
• 1/2 tsp cumin
• 4 cups spinach
• 18 (6 inch) corn tortillas
• 90g partly skimmed mozzarella cheese 
• 1/2 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes, undrained

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190.5 degrees C). Place ground turkey in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Stir in garlic, vegetables,spices, diced tomatoes with juice, and jalapeno. Reduce heat to medium.
2. In a medium bowl, mix together ricotta and eggs. Spice this mix up- add the additional chili powder (1 tsp) cumin (1/2 tsp).  
3. Heat tortillas is a small skillet (30 secs per side).  Cut 5 tortillas in half and leave 1 whole.  Place  tortillas in the bottom of a 9x13 inch pan -flat side should be against the side of the dish.  Place whole tortilla in the center of the pan-your dish should be covered by the tortillas. 
4. Spread 1/2 of the ricotta mixture on tortillas. Layer spinach over ricotta mixture. Spoon 1/2 of the meat mixture over the spinach. Repeat layers again-end with a layer of tortillas. 
5. Heat 1/2 can of diced tomato.  Spoon on top of lasagna and sprinkle mozzarella. 
6. Bake in preheated oven for 20 minutes, or until sauce is bubbly.  Remove and let sit for 10 mins.  Can be served with salsa, sour cream or a hot sauce

Serves 6-475 calories per serving

*Originally found the recipe on allrecipes.com -have made a few changes
**You can add more heat to the meat mixture by adding hot sauce (or jalapenos)
***I used corn tortillas that I bought at a little Mexican market-they were only 45 calories each!

All men are not created equal (or How I nearly killed our dinner guest)

So, I've been feeling pretty cocky about my cooking these days.  With little-to-no recent mishaps, I felt confident enough to cook for company (normally hubby does or its a joint effort.  I decided to make my Mexican Lasagna as it had gotten very solid rave reviews from Dave.  The only changes I made from the originally recipe (which I had found on allrecipe.com) was to spice the ricotta-egg mix with chili powder and cumin, added a layer of spinach, and 2 jalapenos (1.5 diced into the mix, .5 chopped and sprinkled on top).  In hindsight, I shouldn't have been so keen to kick it up a notch and left the jalapenos out-especially when cooking for company as our idea of mild-to-medium may greatly differ. (I did email ahead of time to ask how spicy and was told mtm).

Anyho, the lasagna came out of the oven hot and crispy (hmmmmm, in the oven a tad too long?). Cue the appreciative mummers and exclamations of how good it smells!  As the plates heaped with the tantalizing  lasagna are handed out, I can't wait to see/hear what my friends think. Only, that's not what happened.....instead, I discovered that the husband has been suffering from painful acid reflux for years; and his attacks can be brought on by eating spicy and tomato-based food (check and check!).  Within a few mouthfuls, he was gulping water and hiccuping but still valiantly trying to eating my lasagna-it was an ugly sight.  His poor wife was trying to compensate by telling me how delicious the meal was!  How she would love to have the recipe!  (I noticed she finished only 1/2 her portion).  I felt, in a word, horrible-sweet Jesus, I had committed attempted man slaughter with food!  The only silver lining to this spicy catastrophe was that my husband had wolfed his down with great satisfaction; however, I could not help but wonder -how many beers had he had?

So, what have I learned?  When cooking for guests, play it safe and make a spicy dish at a gringo level unless you really REALLY know the company you keep (but still have them sign a release waiver). 

I will post the recipe for Mexican Lasagna as I had originally made it - I will leave it up to you to spice it up as I refuse to be accused of aiding and abetting.

The Buckwheat Saga-part deux

Sweet Jesus, I have discovered the elusive 100% pure buckwheat soba noodle! After scouring the shelves of mainstream and Asian grocery shelves, only to be mocked by buckwheat noodles whose first ingredient listed was wheat , causing me to speculate that such a product was just a wild rumor -I finally struck gold.  Planet Organic carries a wide selection of Eden products, including (drum roll please!), 100% Buckwheat noodles!  The downfall?  A small pack (small than an average pack of spaghetti) is $11.29.  Yup, that's not a mis-type.  $11.29-that makes the soba buckwheat noodle the gold-version in the pasta world.  I haven't decided what I am going to make yet as I am too busy petting my Precious....

A Disclaimer

It is really important for you to understand that I cannot cook.  Up until a few months ago, my reputation as a sub-par cook was known and the butt of a few jokes by those who know me quite well (my husband and childhood best friend/college roommate).  I have never had the patience for cooking (or an interest really).  Cooking shows bored me.  Cooking books remained on my book shelf with pristine uncracked spines- except for my copy of Five Roses cookbook, which was stained and battered from my feeble culinary attempts.  I also tend to blame my Junior High cooking teacher, Mrs K, a burly squat woman with a swarthy upper lip and no sense of humor .  It is rumored that Mrs K used to drive logging camp crummies before taking the task of scaring (and scarring) young impressionable children with such culinary delicacies as Tomato Soup Cake and Buttermilk Biscuits made from powder milk.  The only things I learned after three years with Mrs K was that I couldn't cook and I hated powder milk (something I still maintain today).

So why the sudden interest?  Why, in my mid-thirties, am I pouring over cookbooks, looking up recipes on the Internet, and actually watching Jamie Oliver (not that he's difficult to watch)?  Because now I  have to take a keen interest in what I eat; and because I can't always find gluten-free versions of my favourite.  I am not satisfied with accepting that I can't eat certain food due to being a Celiac; instead, I see my new diet as a challenge.  I am fully aware of what I can't eat; however, I am not willing to be limited.  I relish the challenge of making tasty gluten-free food that not only satisfies me, but also my family and friends. Bring it on........

That said, I am still looking for satisfying fish and chips..........and cinnamon buns.  Sigh.

Gluten for Punishment

Quick: you can eat only one gluten meal-what would it be?  My husband likes to play this game with me.  Sometimes he'll ask what single gluten-licious food do I miss the most, or restaurant, pastry, fast food, etc etc etc.  And I game-fully play, never tiring of listing off the food I miss.  I think what I really miss the most is not having the freedom to eat whatever I want wherever I am.  For example, eating at a mall food court can be a bit like Russian roulette.  Its the inconvenience.

So, here would be my glorious gluten-filled meal:

Appetizer: Calamari or Zucchini sticks-really, anything breaded and deep fried

Entree: Cheese-filled pasta (tortellini or ravioli) smothered in a meat sauce and baked with cheese, side
           of garlic bread

Dessert: Huge hunk of Carrot Cake (raisins, walnuts, pineapple) with thick smear of cream cheese icing

If I ever commit a heinous crime and am put on death row.....I think this would be my last meal request-that  or Kentucky Fried Chicken

Raspberry Coconut Bars

Ingrediants

Crust     3/4 cup packed brown sugar
              1/2 cup butter, softened
              1/2 tsp almond extract
              1 large egg, lightly beatened
              1 1/2 cup quinoa flour

Filling   1 cup raspberry jam
              2 large eggs, beaten
              2 cups flaked unsweetened coconut

1. Preheat oven to 350F.  Spray 9x13 baking dish with cooking spray.

2. Combine sugar, butter and almond extract in bowl and blend well..  Add egg and mix thoroughly.     
    Add quinoa flour and work into a soft dough. Press dough evenly into the bottom of the baking dish.
    Spread the raspberry jam over the dough.

3. In a bowl, mix eggs and coconut together and drop the mixture evenly over the jam.  Place on the center
    rack of the oven and bake for 20 minutes or until the coconut is lightly toasted (golden brown tinge).

4. Remove from the oven and let cool.  I recommend making the day before and refrigerating as it will firm
    up the bar, making it less crumbly -unless you like a crumbly bar.

Cooking/baking with quinoa flour

 I recently tried baking with quinoa flour- and it was .....interesting.  Quinoa flour has quite a pungent odor-very earthy; and it looks like a taupe powder-not completely appetizing.  I first used the flour to thicken a chicken stew-brilliant; however, I was curious-how would it bake in  a sweet treat?  I decided to try and make Raspberry Coconut Bars as I am a sucker for anything with raspberry jams (hmmmmmmmmm, think shortbread cookies with raspberry jam centers).

The recipe (which I will post separately below) was quite easy to make, and took only 20 minutes to prepare.  The only change I made to the recipe was to cut the recipe in half as a 9x13 pan of treats is a little too much for my husband and I to eat (or we could stuff ourselves stupid and gain 5 pounds).  The quinoa flour defiantly has a presence taste-wise, which is why the recipe calls for almond extract, to mask the taste a bit.  The center is gooey -to the point where the bar fell apart a bit too much.  I recommend making the bar the day before and storing it in the fridge, as it will firm the bar up a bit.

My gluten friends thought the bar was okay, and commented that you could defiantly taste the quinoa flour as it had "an earthy taste" but was overall enjoyable.  The only problem with asking your friends their opinions of your cooking/baking-are they being honest or trying to be kinds???

Would I make this again?  I think so but with one change-I would cook the base on its own  for 10 minutes (similar to a lemon bar) before adding the raspberry filling, as I think this would help firm up the bar overall.  Not bad for my first attempt.....

My Moby Dick

Like a dog with a bone, I  have become fixated on finding 100% gluten-free buckwheat noodles.  Literally out of no where, I have decided that I want to eat them, either in a piping hot spicy soup or a cool sweet salad (talk about going with polar opposites).  Problem?  So far, every package I have managed to find, in 4 stores and counting, all list wheat flour as the first ingredient. 

I know the illusive gf buckwheat noodle exists; and it was my hope to venture down to Chinatown with my 9 mth old daughter strapped to my chest as we braved the crowded sidewalks full of spilling produce and shoppers not paying attention.  Now the gods have conspired against me as rain and hail falls, creating a hostile environment that goes beyond "April showers bring...".  And so, like Ahab, I am left with my single-minded pursuit to find my Moby Dick.....funny the things we get caught up on.

What do you mean I can't eat gluten?

What the hell?  That was my "PG" response when I was told, at the age of 37, that I had Celiac disease and could not eat gluten.  I was overwhelmed and very ignorant on what it all meant.  I thought that Celiac disease was a very obvious condition that focused primarily on the digestive system....um, nope!  And I thought gluten was primarily wheat flour....bread, muffins, cakes, oh my!   Wrong!

And so I began my journey to not only educate myself about being a Celiac, but also to learn a new way of eating-really, a new way of living.  I could no longer wander into Starbucks and grab an apple fritter to go with my latte.  Or get Chinese take-out as a treat.  Or grab a whopper with fries. Or enjoy a bowl of my husband's yummy spaghetti sauce on a bed of tortellini noodles, completed by a side of garlic bread.  Or a huge chunk of moist carrot cake, three layers deep with raisins, pineapple, and walnuts, crowned by a thick slather of cream cheese icing.   Simple delicious things I had enjoyed all my life until I was diagnosed - and then poof!  Gone.  No more.  Now everything had to be questioned, examined, scrutinized-how was I going to change habits I had had my entire life and be gluten-free in a gluten world?

My blog is about my new life as a Celiac as I embrace a new way of eating-both at home and  eating out.  It is about the rants and rave for products, companies, restaurants, and recipes as I share my gluten-free experience; however, I will also share opinions and reviews from my gluten-eating family (husband, picky 6 year old son, and infant daughter) and friends to see if the food is really as tasty as I think....or not.  My experiences will run the gamut of the good, the bad, and the disgusting....but it will all be gluten-free.